Blondin 3 Ring Circus

Life, Love and Laughter from inside my circus!

I’m My Own Worst Enemy

Posted by ab39 on November 9, 2007

I have figured out that I really am my own worst enemy.  I realize that I have set a high standard for myself as a mom, wife, daughter and friend.  Not that having a high standard is a bad thing, but when the standard is soo high that you cant possibly reach it, it becomes self-defeating.  For me personally, this comes from trying to live up to everyone else’s standards, and comparing myself to others.  Because I have fallen into this mind-set, not really realizing I was doing it, I began to think that I was not living right, dressing right, or even raising my kids right if I couldnt get it all done….and what would people think?  God has been showing me over the past year that I am an individual.  God has given me my own personality, lifestyle, gifts, and my own set of circumstances. 

For example:

Who says that you have to do your devotionals first thing in the morning?  I have found that doing my devotions and reading is easier in the evenings after everyone is in bed.

Who says that you have to cook your family dinner every night?  I have always fixed a big meal every night with everyone gathered around the table to eat.  Now, I am down to about 4 nights a week and have figured out that the rest of the time I can serve soup, sandwiches, salads, etc. and my family will not go hungry.

Why does my house have to look like it has just stepped out of a magazine?  As long as my girls feel comfortable and safe while they are growing up, and they keep inviting their friends over…..well, isnt “picked up’d” good enough?

Why did I think that I had to volunteer for every activity that my girls were (and are) involved with?  I definetly got stressed from doing too much with all the different activities.  I can go attend and support them by my presence instead of being in charge of something that can affect me and the happiness of my home by the way I am acting because I am doing too much.

And what about all the stuff that our kids bring home as fund raisers and beg us to help them sell  so they can go to the pizza party at the end?  After all this time, I am starting to get a little weary of it and have always felt guilt for not trying to get everyone I know to buy something when none of us actually need it or really dont even have the extra money for it.  Maybe I should try to buy one thing from each one of them, and let them know that our money is budgeted and maybe eventually they will understand the concept of having a little extra at the end of the month.

Who said that you have to look happy and pulled together all the time?  Sometimes life stinks!  It’s ok to acknowledge that I am not perfect, that I mess up….a lot….and I dont feel well or I am going thru a tough time, but I am doing the best I can.

I have learned that many of us women have this image of what we consider the perfect wife and mother should be.  But what happens on a day to day basis, which is called reality, does not always measure up to that image.  And so when it doesnt, we practically break our backs trying to make it measure up to the way we think things should be.  I have realized that its ok to be different….it’s ok to live my life that fits my family instead and not be afraid to do things differently. 

So for today, I will let go of my unreachable expectations that I have placed upon myself.  I will strive to “roll with it” a little more and try to sort out where my priorities lie.  God should always be the first priority and once I get that in line….everything else will fall in place.

One Response to “I’m My Own Worst Enemy”

  1. Terry said

    Hey sweet girl, i am bad by not keeping up with you. But i am giving a baby shower tonight and i know this is just want i was looiking for to finish my talk. May I use it? I feel the exact same way and have had this thinking for years and have used it. It is ok they will survive. You are great and i love you dearly! have a wonderful blessed day. Terry

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